Some cities build monuments. Mine apparently builds doors—then invites residents to audition for Fight Club in the lobby.
So yes, I filed a Florida public records request under Chapter 119 about the incident where local resident asshat Dan Herz reportedly introduced himself to a City door in a manner dramatically inconsistent with its intended use.
Editor’s Note: Dan Herz — short for ‘Damage & Hazards.
I’m calling it “DoorBash26,” because if the government can label everything, so can I. And because “Man Allegedly Wrecks Government Property for Reasons Unknown” doesn’t fit well in an email subject line. Or bumper sticker. Or thong.
What this is (and isn’t)
This is not gossip. This is not “social media commentary.” This is a public accountability process.
This is funny thou. Oh, come on Carol, take that stick out of your ass, and have a laugh.
Florida’s public records law exists for exactly this reason: when something happens inside public facilities, involving public staff, public safety response, and public money, the public gets to see the paper trail. Reports. Video. Emails. Invoices. Insurance. Policies. The whole chain.
If it’s routine, the records will show it’s routine.
If it’s not routine, the records will show what the City did about it.
Either way, facts beat vibes.
What I asked for
Here’s the short version of the request. I’m seeking records related to DoorBash26, including:
1. Incident, police, and security reports
If the City or law enforcement documented it, I want the “greatest hits.” Also, blooper reels.
2. Damage assessments and repair costs
Doors don’t heal themselves. If taxpayer dollars got spent, show the numbers.
3. Communications about Herz and the incident
Email, text, internal messages—whatever format staff used to coordinate, react, or manage the aftermath.
4. Security footage
Full, unedited. If the City has video, the public shouldn’t get the “highlight reel.”
5. Any access or trespass guidance going forward
If the City changed access rules, imposed restrictions, or issued a directive, that’s a record.
6. Policies that suddenly matter when chaos hits
Including whether there’s any formal guidance on podium access, safety, and conduct in chambers.
7. Insurance and risk handling
If claims were filed, I want to know. If the carrier has a special category for “Herz Events,” I want to know that too.
Also, let’s update our protocols, making sure to issue Commissioner Preston a full suite of hugs.
8. Capital improvement proposals
If the City is now talking about reinforcing doors like they’re hurricane shutters, that’s a story.
9. Photos and call logs
All photographs related to the incident, plus call logs to 911/211/411—because I’d like to know which system got activated here: emergency response, social services, or confusion.
10. “Door engagement protocols”
Yes, I asked whether staff received written guidance on how to deal with people “engaging” with doors. If that sounds ridiculous, good—because it should.
Maybe Dan thought it was a Star Trek Enterprise door. He waved his hand. Nothing happened. So he escalated.
Phasers on dumb.
11. Show us the pic!
All photographs related to the incident — yes, even dic pics — because Dan’s certainly a dick.
The point: public conduct, public building, public cost.
What happened here isn’t just a “weird guy did a weird thing” situation. It’s a governance question:
- How does the City respond when someone damages government property in a public facility?
- How is staff safety handled?
- What does the security posture look like?
- What did it cost, and who paid?
- What changed afterward?
You don’t answer those questions with rumors. You answer them with records.
The legal housekeeping
This is a standard Chapter 119 request. I asked for electronic records where available and requested that if anything is withheld, the City cite the specific exemption relied upon.
That last part matters. “We’re not giving it to you” isn’t a response. “We’re withholding under X exemption of Florida law” is a response.
What happens next
Now we wait for the City’s production.
If the incident was handled properly, the records will show a straightforward response: report, repair, policy check, done.
If it wasn’t handled properly—or if it was minimized, mischaracterized, or quietly expensive—the records will show that too.
Either way, DoorBash26 becomes a case study in what Florida sunshine laws are for: not drama, but accountability.
Stay tuned. Two Tuesdays from now is closer than people think.
